As I sit here watching "Jaws" for approximately the 1.2 millionth time, I can't help but wonder how one could approach catching this beast on a fly. Heck, sometimes I wonder if I could catch humans on a fly rod if I could tie a twenty dollar imitating fly...without a hook of course. It would be like a gar fly in the sense that a human would just get entangled in the delight of what they thought was the object of their desire. Anyhow, what would a guy need to do to catch "Jaws" on a fly?
1. Call in an expert!
I would contact Jeremy Wade for help. He looks legit.
2. Find a captain.
If Captain Quint wasn't available, I would contact Captain Jack Sparrow. Again, he seems like he's up for anything plus he's weird which would keep things interesting.
3. Chum it up ya'll.
Fish heads, fish heads, rolley polley fish heads.
4. The Meat and Potatoes
You've got an assistant, you've got a mad captain, and you have the set-up...now what. Let's get down to brass tacks. You're going to need the biggest saltwater rod obviously. Next, and we're going to get unconventional here for obvious reasons. If I were going to go after a fish this size, the biggest consideration that might need to be considered is the reel and drag system. Since you are going to have the equivalent of a utility pole for a fly rod, then might I suggest a 1985 Ford Mustang wheel and brake system in leau of an actual reel? It makes sense if you need to slam the brakes on a fish that is as big as the boat you are in.
5. Fly Selection
Option 1- Red Flashabou tied to a 50/0 hook. It works for the boys out in Cali when they go after Mako's.
Option 2- A human imitating fly. I'm going to need about three deer for spinning deer hair, a hook with a shank that is 100 X long, and maybe a few mannequin parts for realism.
6. Tease Him to the Top
Like Quint says, you have to tease him up to the top to get his attention and then jab at him. At this point I would deploy the largest Adam's fly ever known to man. If that didn't garner some attention and respect, then I don't know what would. After all, isn't a great white shark pretty much the same thing as a 20 pound rainbow?
7. Strike Indicator
If you are going to fish below the surface with some sort of morbid human imitating jig, you are going to need something to help you know when you have a bite. Might I suggest a 55 gallon durm?
8. Reel Him In
Let's just assume that you hook "Jaws" so now what? A wench assisted reeling mechanism might be in order but if you are a purist, then maybe a big game fighting harness and chair might be more to your liking.
9. Land Him
A standard trout net isn't going to get the job done that's for sure. Maybe some outriggers and shrimpin nets would be sufficient.
10. Cash in Some Saving Bonds, Favors, and Get a Title Loan
If you didn't think about how to mount this bird until now, that's kind of your fault but regardless, you are going to want to mount this monster. This is going to cost a fortune, but maybe you can recoup your losses by charging friends and strangers admission to your Great White on a Fly Museum. On the other hand, you could practice catch and release and let the demon go to continue his work of pillaging coastal communities. I'm good with either if you are looking for an endorsement or direction to pursue.
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