I am the proud father of two boys and I often wonder about what the future has in store for them. I mainly think about what kinds of challenges and obstacles their lives will present to them. To state the obvious, it is the job of a mother and father to prepare their children for as many of these hurdles as possible, but in all honesty there is no way to prepare them for every single situation. It is probably a better approach to try and teach general principles and ideals that can apply to multiple situations. I guess what I mean is that we shouldn’t teach a child to avoid hitting his brother but instead teach him the golden rule.
I also find myself wondering about what my boys’ lives would be like if I passed away unexpectedly and wasn’t there to help them get through their formative years. They are young enough that they might not remember their old man and while I am sure they would remember some of the values that I have instilled in them, there is still a lot to learn and teach. It is with this in mind that I decided to do something for each son that might help guide them through life and impart some wisdom upon them or reinforce an ideal that maybe they needed to be reminded of.
If you have kids or even a sibling for that matter, you know that brothers or sisters are very different from one another. It is with this in mind that I decided to do something different for each son when it comes to passing along wisdom. I remember learning in college that you treat people the same by treating them differently. I guess that breaks down to the fact that all people are different and that they need different things depending on their strengths, weaknesses, and personalities.
My first son is a pretty smart kid. He learns things quickly (when he wants to) and has a penchant for music. I don’t expect him to grow up to be the athletic type or a person with a wildly adventurous personality. Some people ask me if it would bother me if he didn’t play sports and I emphatically so “No it wouldn’t!” I want him to find something that he is passionate about and that he can pour his heart and soul into…kind of like me and fly fishing. He can focus on one thing with an ability to block out any distraction (including the voice of his parents) and surprises me on a daily basis with how he is starting to understand how the world works. In an attempt to pass along any wisdom I might have rattling around in my head, when he was a newborn and infant I read him a large number of novels. I know he didn’t understand what I was reading to him but it didn’t matter. He saw a book in my hands and heard my voice. After each book, I would find a blank page near the cover and would write him a message that was designed to be profound. Sometimes this worked and sometimes it didn’t but I always tried to cover some moral or value that was exemplified in the book. It was my hope that maybe one day he might read my letter and book and be able to apply some important principle to his life.
Now for my youngest son. He’s young but it is easy to tell he is going to be the wild one. He is a physically strong little guy that always on the move. He’s not scared to fall flat on his face and get right back up again. If I were to guess, he might be the one that excels at sports. Now that I think about it, the two of them kind of remind me of the Maclean brothers from “A River Runs Through It.” Only time will tell however.
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| The youngest son would be the one in the front and the oldest would be the freaked out one in the back. |
While I have had longer to put my “fishing stamp” on the oldest boy, I wanted to make sure the younger received a different yet equal influence. I am reading the youngest novels like I did the first son, but at a lesser rate unfortunately because of time and increased responsibilities. Instead, I decided to start a little project for him. Before he was born, I saw a tackle/tool box at a hardware store. I immediately bought it not even sure what I was going to use it for. It sat in my garage for a few days while I contemplated my next move and then it came to me. If this kid is going to be hands-on and of a kinesthetic modality, then he should have something befitting a personality like as such.
I started to go through old tackle boxes to find my tried and true fishing lures. I ran across one of the first antler sheds I ever found. I found things that reminded me of his great grandpas and items from my youth. While the box is not full, it is slowly rising to the brim. Accompanying all of the objects is a makeshift “key”. The origin and importance of each item is described as well as how it might serve him well in life. For example, I wrote on a piece of paper that the antler shed was found after five years of hunting and after years of failure, my persistence was rewarded. I guess I look at this project like a fisherman or carpenter looks at a tackle/tool box. There are different tools in the box that have different applications and are useful in different situations. Like my first son, I hope that he can draw from these tools and use them in his life when he needs them.
There is one last tradition that I have started with my youngest son as well. The oldest boy didn’t have a way to display his growth until he was about four. We started marking his height on a wall in the house not too long ago as well as on a large ruler that is taped to the wall of his bedroom. I felt bad that it took so long to get around to something like this and I vowed to not let the younger boy have the same experience. So I started to think about what I could use to measure his growth. I needed something tall, but not cumbersome. I needed something that wouldn’t get tossed out or leave permanent scaring on drywall. I needed something portable, yet elegant. Well low and behold I had a fly rod sitting around that fit the bill…unless he grows to be over nine feet tall. It’s nothing fancy, in fact I bought it as a “back-up” rod to take on fishing trips in case a good fly rod broke. I marked his length at birth on the rod with a silver sharpie and will update it on every birthday until he is full grown or decides he wants to take up fly fishing. My hope is that he will grow up to use that rod one day (or at least keep it as a memento) and will show him how he has grown both literally and metaphorically.
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