Kansas City Sportshow & A HORRIBLE IDEA

For those of you that live in the Kansas City area, the annual Kansas City Boat and Sportshow is going on this weekend.  While I certainly wish that there was more fly fishing specific vendors and outfitters that catered to fly fishermen, it is still a great time.  It is a nice reminder that while the weather across Missouri pretty much stinks, warmer temperatures and sunnier days are on their way.  Heck, I've even noticed the days are starting to get longer.  

On another note, I have wanted to do something at the Sportshow for years but I don't have the guts. I have been going since I was a kid and I have always been fascinated by the trout pond they have set up.  I've hooked a few fish but never landed a single one.  Not that I mind because it's indoor fishing for Pete's sake.  What really bothers me is that I have to use the equipment that is provided.  Usually it is a rod with a little line let out and a fly of some sort on the end.  It is a glorified cane pole in the sense that you can't reel in or let out any line.  So here's my thought.

The trout pond in question.

WARNING: THIS WOULD GET YOU IN MAJOR TROUBLE.  YOU WOULD CERTAINLY GET KICKED OUT OF THE SPORTSHOW AND POSSIBLY ARRESTED!  I am only sharing a funny thought here and in no way encouraging anyone to carry out this stupid and foolhardy plan.  Enough with the disclaimer, let's get to the horrible but awkward idea.

Crowded conditions, amateurs, sub par equipment...feels like Bennett Spring!

Are you tired of fishing your local indoor trout pond at your local sports show using local, hand-me-down, overused equipment?  Well the last time I checked buddy, we live in the United States of America!  To force me to use sub par equipment to catch a beautiful rainbow trout out of a makeshift aquarium seems like an abuse of power imposed by those that wield far too much power over this particular situation.  Friends, rodents, quadrupeds...led me your rears as I invoke a point of parliamentary procedure!  I'll be brief.

If those tyrants that are empowered are able to force their lousy gear on us to fish with, well then isn't this an indictment of the entire indoor/captive fishing system?  And if the entire system is guilty, then isn't the entire fishing industry to be blamed?  I put it to you fishing pole hander-outer guy, isn't this an indictment of our entire American society?  And to impose such heinous, deplorable sanctions upon us is to strip us of our rights which are granted to us by the United States Constitution?  Well, you can do what you want to us, but we are not going to sit here and watch you badmouth the United States of America.  So here is what I propose...stay with me here.

Did this guy some up with the idea of the trout pond?  Possibly.

My vision is of a man wearing a floppy bucket hat with flies adorning the base of said hat.  Red flannel drapes this master of the universe as he ascends up the escalator of the sports show.  That's when you notice the waders and olive vest.  It finally sets in the the subtleness of a broken shoelace, this guy came to catch some fish and chew some bubble gum...and he's all out of bubblegum.  He assembles his four piece, 6 weight rod and gets strung up obviously not in the line of site of the people that run the trout tank.

Picture this guy coming up the escalator headed toward the trout pond.

He makes his way to the front of the line and studies the annual sports show hatch.  Just as he thought, Winteress Hexagenia has emerged from its slumber right on time.  He attaches a midge dropper to his size 4 dry.  Upon gaining access to the pool, he steps over the side of the tank and casts slightly upstream with pinpoint accuracy in order to avoid the 12 children and 4 novices that have also begun fishing the same pool.  This is extreme combat fishing which calls for extreme measures.  After landing his limit (which happens to be one fish on this particular day), being threatened with pepper spray, and making a child cry, he steps out of the water like a conquering warrior.  Security escorts him through the crowd which only shows the level of fame and notoriety that this man amongst boys has achieved.  As he exists the convention center onto the concrete sidewalks and 18 degree weather, he does what any fisherman of his status should do.  He finds a two year old child and gives him his go-to fly, wishes him luck, tells the little guy where they are biting, and heads to his 1996 Ford Tempo and chases the sunset which will only lead him to his next adventure...a fly tying competition at a local watering hole.