Well, apparently it’s fashion month over here at the Show Me Fly Guy and Ol’ Buschy Tales just can’t pass up shootin’ of the breeze about clothes and lotions. After a bit of a hiatus due to foreseen and unforeseen circumstances, the OBT is back in the house and ready to spin yarns about my embarrassing travels into and out of the Wild. I only do it so you, dear reader, can learn from my mistakes. My many, many mistakes.
After reading the OFG’s treatise on sun protection, I’m compelled to offer my opinions on sun protection and most importantly - lookin’ fierce. My relationship with the sun is much like what I think my daughter’s relationship is with me - “Hey Dad/Sun, thanks for all this warmth and light, but you’re really harshing my buzz, bro”.
I won’t go into too much more detail on what the OFG said. Sunscreen’s gross, it feels weird, and I don’t wax my body, so lotion is hard to apply. The spray’s better, but I feel I’ll surely end up with black lung from extended use. There is a true drawback to sunscreen-it can interfere with sweat evaporation, which inhibits the cooling effect of perspiration.
Admittedly, not liking sunscreen because it’s “icky” is childish. My only defense is that this is merely the tip of my childish nature. Like an iceberg, this is the part that’s above the ocean. Dive deeper and you'll be astounded at the size and darkness of my immaturity. Don’t stare too long or you’ll be sucked in permanently.
For the longest time, I’ve begrudgingly applied and reapplied sunscreen in both lotion and spray forms. Alright, let’s be honest, for the longest time I’ve mostly just got sunburnt. “Hey, I’ll only be out for a few minutes” or “I already have a savage tan, the sun’s rays can no longer harm me” or “Sunblock is icky” among many other excuses. It took awhile, but I did realize that skin cancer is scary and doesn’t just pick on the non-awesome. Plus I’ve had too many fishing and hiking trips made much more uncomfortable by something completely preventable.
Now let’s throw a little gas on this fire. Everybody’s talking about ‘em, nobody likes ‘em, everybody wants to avoid ‘em and nobody wants ‘em sinking their dirty, numbing fangs into their body. No one’s favorite bloodsucker - Ticks. If you haven’t heard, ticks are bad this year. From their perspective, it's probably an epic year, just constant high fives with one of their eight legs. And ticks love me - always have. (mosquitos, on the other hand, have never really developed any taste or animosity for Ol’ Busch, so I have that goin’ for me, which is nice). Ticks immediately scare me (whereas future me can worry about skin cancer and sunburn). I hate ticks as much as they love me, so I was already wearing long pants and sleeves in the woods. This dovetailed nicely into an all ‘round tick and sun protection plan. Really just took a few minor tweaks to have full sun protection and, what I thought was, full tick protection (I’ve recently discovered a few holes in my tick protection. I’ve done some research and have put together a more solid plan. After testing, I will report the results)
So, let’s talk about sunscreen for a moment. When was sunscreen invented? Anyone? Anyone?
Just doing some math here, the sun is 4.6 billion years old and Homo Erectus has been walkin’ upright like a boss for about 1.9 million years. That’s a lot of time. Sunscreen, however has only been around for a few thousand of years. There’s evidence of ancient Greeks and Egyptians using olive oil and a combination of rice, jasmine, and lupine plants, respectively. Zinc oxide has been used for thousands
of years and became the basis for the first commercially available sunscreen debuting back in 1936. I venture to guess that before commercialization, not everyone had easy access to zinc mines or oxide farms (editor’s note: Busch got a D+ in high school chemistry). So, even basic sunscreen likely wasn’t the easiest thing to acquire for the vast majority of human history.
of years and became the basis for the first commercially available sunscreen debuting back in 1936. I venture to guess that before commercialization, not everyone had easy access to zinc mines or oxide farms (editor’s note: Busch got a D+ in high school chemistry). So, even basic sunscreen likely wasn’t the easiest thing to acquire for the vast majority of human history.
So what did our forefathers and foremothers do? Take a google image search of old timey people. I’ll wait.
Spoiler alert-Lots of clothes, bandanas, wide brimmed hats, etc.
Here’s the famous picture of Billy the Kid, keep in mind he lived in the New Mexico Territory which is just full of desert.
Looks like he’s on his way to make a few extra (legitimate and unbloodied) dollars shoveling the snow off grandma Bonney’s driveway. Guessing that he’s also wearing a lot of wool and going out even further on a limb, washing machines and deodorant likely weren’t real common back then. The Old West must have smelled...unpleasant. Also, everyone must’ve been bordering on heat stroke and dehydration.
Barring the locker room scent that must’ve just overwhelmed the late 1800s, his sun protection plan isn’t too much different than mine. Two big differences - synthetic materials and multiple sets of clothes. Mr. The Kid’s above outfit might be the only set he owned for a long period of time.
So, I’ll go into my can’t fail sunscreen less program. Take what you want, leave the rest. So here’s a picture of me in full gear:
The Batman cowl has great UV protection. And the color absorbs heat which doesn’t reach the skin, keeping Batman much cooler. (seriously, there is science behind this...sort of)
Unfortunately, I am not Batman (yet). Of course, if I was Batman, I’d likely tell you I wasn’t Batman.
Anyway, here is a picture of me on my last serious hike to give you an idea of how I dress in the Wild.
Looks pretty normal, right? Of course, I’ve put way too much thought into it and thought I’d share. So, I’ll just go through what I’m wearing here with the cost associated with each item. I’m going to skip discussion on footwear or sunglasses - both being a personal choice I could probably write 10,000 words on. Nobody wants more words in this post. I'm not even going to start on the backpack, that's A Song of Ice and Fire level word counts.
So here’s everything else:
Head ($20): Hats are always important. Moreso for me because I am secretly bald, but don’t tell anyone. In lieu of a classy comb over, I've chosen a military spec boonie hat. The brim is folded up here, but it’s wide when needed. Since it's supposed to be military spec, it’s a cotton/polyester blend. I usually don’t wear cotton, but if it’s good enough for our military, it’s more than good enough for me.
Neck/Face ($5-$20): Buff (actually in this case it’s an SA face shield, but same deal) Great, versatile item. I think I have 16 of them. Not joking - SA has some sick deals on Facebook. Buffs are great at neck protection and great for Halloween. There’s about 15 ways to fashionably wear one and they do everything the faithful bandana does.
See, great for Halloween and scaring your daughter
Shirt (free): polyester, light mesh shirt. I got this one for running a race (slowly)
Arms ($10): Sun Sleeves. These are a new addition and I really like them so far. A big upgrade over wearing a long sleeve shirt. Basically, these are long wristbands that go up to your shoulder and are 50 SPF. They are light and easily removable when wearing a pack or fishing vest. Barely noticeable after a few minutes, fit tight to the skin with no extra fabric flopping about, and they even stay in place on my 16 inch pythons, brother. Supposedly they also keep your arms cool, but that doesn’t even make sense to me nor is it something I thought I needed. I’ve never said or heard, “nice day, but boy are my arms particularly hot”
I also must add that they work great should you forget toilet paper. As I’ve been told by a friend. A friend who lives in Canada. Montreal actually, so she doesn’t even speak English or have the internet so you couldn't contact her even if you wanted to.
I also must add that they work great should you forget toilet paper. As I’ve been told by a friend. A friend who lives in Canada. Montreal actually, so she doesn’t even speak English or have the internet so you couldn't contact her even if you wanted to.
Legs ($60 or so): LL Bean Adventure Pants. That isn’t the official name, but they can either be pants or shorts. It’s not even an adventure if you don’t need both pants and shorts. These are tough nylon pants, at least 16 years old. They are LL Bean, so clearly the most expensive thing I’m wearing and purchased when I was pretty dumb with money. Haha, was.
Total Cost: About $95-$115. Now, I am sure you are saying, “Busch, I would just rather buy sunscreen over and over than go out and spend $115 on clothes”. Well, lemme tell ya friend, you don't have to spend $115. Let's get those costs down.
Hats: You already have about 93 of them. -$20
Neck: You’ll probably have to buy a buff. Go to SA Fishing and find a code.$20 for like 5. SA Fishing or REI
Shirt: Target has polyester workout shirts for $12, WalMart probably even cheaper. $12
Arms: You’ll probably need some sleeves. $10. These seem to work well - sun sleeves.
Legs: Now for the real secret. Costco. Don’t sleep on Costco for many outdoor needs. I picked up nylon hiking pants for $17.99 and they are Busch tested, Busch approved. Even have a little stretch, so a great choice for Thanksgiving. I have four pairs now. Costco also has some cheap synthetic shirts - 3 pack for under $10 I think. $18 for the pants
Grand Total: $60. Now compare that to my preferred sunscreen/bug spray at $8.49 for six ounces. When I do use sunscreen, I’ve found Bullfrog to be the best. At 7 bottles, you’re already over that $60. If you spend alot of time out of doors, that ain't gonna be chump change.
You can thank me later. I've saved you $55 and protected you from sunburn, while simultaneously outfitting you for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Halloween. That's just the service I provide.
Comfort
Now, I specifically talked about nylon and polyester as almost all of my warm weather clothes are made of synthetic fabric, even my skivvies. Synthetics are lighter and quick drying. Synthetics also wick moisture. To be fair, I thought wicking in this sense was a made up corporate buzzword (also to be fair, I think it is a made up corporate buzzword). It does have its roots in actual science. Sweat cools you by evaporating off your skin, so when moisture is trapped in cotton material, it doesn’t cool you off as effectively. Or something, again D+ in chemistry and not any better in physics or biology. Merino wool is also a great option, but we’re trying to keep costs down here and Merino wool is super expensive. Basically stay away from cotton and, and for the love of Pete, stay away from wearing jeans. Jeans get wet, stay wet and lead to the number one factor to ruin any outdoor excursion - Chafing.
Now, I specifically talked about nylon and polyester as almost all of my warm weather clothes are made of synthetic fabric, even my skivvies. Synthetics are lighter and quick drying. Synthetics also wick moisture. To be fair, I thought wicking in this sense was a made up corporate buzzword (also to be fair, I think it is a made up corporate buzzword). It does have its roots in actual science. Sweat cools you by evaporating off your skin, so when moisture is trapped in cotton material, it doesn’t cool you off as effectively. Or something, again D+ in chemistry and not any better in physics or biology. Merino wool is also a great option, but we’re trying to keep costs down here and Merino wool is super expensive. Basically stay away from cotton and, and for the love of Pete, stay away from wearing jeans. Jeans get wet, stay wet and lead to the number one factor to ruin any outdoor excursion - Chafing.
I am much more worried about chafing. I am more afraid of chafing than lyme disease and skin cancer combined. Again, chafing effects present me, but future me doesn't much care for it either. So if it doesn’t chafe, it’s likely safe. Just take a google of chafed skin images at your own risk. And I won't even get into the need for this product.
Alright, so the day I took this picture, I was on top of Bald Knob on Buford Mountain. This is a punishing 11 mile hike in southern Missouri - typically rated one of the hardest in eastern Missouri. The temperature hovered around 95 degrees with 70% humidity and nary a cloud in the sky. I was extremely uncomfortable the entire time, however it wasn’t due to my clothing selection. The culprit was the burning sensation in my legs and lungs from traversing a 15 degree incline on loose baseball and softball sized rocks.
I also got to discover the holes in my tick protection, acquiring about 20 new friends, some in places quite intimate. Since hundreds of ticks have taken a drink from me, if the future creates Anthropocene Park, I have a good chance to be the star of the show. They’ve already found tick fossils in amber, so I’m not ruling it out.
Ok, so let’s look at the results, I wasn’t sunburnt on Buford Mountain or any other day since I started using this system. I’m as pale and pasty as Casper the Friendly Ghost. I would say my lack of a killer tan is proof enough that this works. (sidenote: don’t you just love it when people call things as simple as clothes a system. Sounds super important, right?)
Style
Not really too concerned with style. On this day, I saw three other people on Bald Knob and I looked much better and cooler than all of them. So that’s a clear win in the style department. Honestly, most of the places I go are to get away from people and I prefer practicality over lookin’ good. If i’m where I want to be, then there shouldn't be anyone else there with their judging, always judging, eyes.
In the last couple years, a lot of the outdoorsy looking clothes have become real trendy and I’ve developed a theory. If it looks a little too cool and you’ve seen a soccer mom or teenager wearing it , it’s probably way too expensive and not too durable. It’s also kinda like buying a golden hammer-too pretty and expensive to actually use for the intended purpose. You certainly could wear a $400 pullover, but will you be willing to walk through a tight, thorny trail? Climb a boulder? Get dirty? Half the reason we wear camo is stain concealment.
Basically, this looks like a t-shirt and jeans, so I’d be comfortable walking into anywhere short of a funeral.
The Truth
Ok, so I do carry sunscreen and bug spray with me all the time. I’d look a little silly going to the pool in this get up or gettin’ swole at muscle beach. And it's always good insurance should something go sideways.
And you never know, these ladies might be out there singing their siren song and I don’t want to be turnt into no horny toad. Or something.
Thanks for reading. Would love to hear your thoughts on this or any other matter.
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