The Show Me Fly Guys
Public Service Announcement
March 2017
Don't Believe the Weatherperson on TV or Most of the Internet; Download Weather Underground Today
We’ve all been there before
You’re watching your favorite show, relaxing after a hard day of whatever it is you do. You’ve finally forgotten about your boss yelling at you for some reason. You vaguely remember something about misuse of company resources, but you were pretty focused on updating your fantasy squad due to a 47 point loss to Chad in accounting. So there you are, teetering on the edge of catatonia. Suddenly, like a summer thunderclap, your concentration is shattered by the dulcet tone of the dreaded WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY. Even worse, you’re watching a LIVE sporting event, when just as suddenly the weather person cuts in. If it’s a him, his jacket’s off, sleeves rolled up, sweat dripping from his brow. Though not out loud, he’s saying -“finally everyone's gonna take me seriously. I didn’t go to Meteorology school for 6 years for nothin’. You will listen, they will ALL listen”. If it’s a her, she looks like she just stepped off a runway with the “Show me concerned,now love the camera” look on her face. Either way, they look far more excited than worried about your well being. This is a WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY, folks. Batten down the hatches, hatten down the batches. Make sure you have a bare minimum 6 months of bread, milk, and eggs. You know, those rations I didn't tell you to freeze dry and seal in Mylar back in October. And for the love of Pete, hunker down because the Jet Stream is meeting the Gulf Stream somewhere over Leadville, Colorado. We’re in direct line of rain, sleet, snow, ice, tsunamis, frogs, locusts -Mass Hysteria. Good God, is that a WINTRY MIX I see? (Translated: Revenues are down and not only that, we are putting together our daytime emmy nomination and need you to blindly watch for the next 24 hours)
So the schools call off, companies shut down, yet nary a drop of precipitation has appeared anywhere. The bread, milk, and egg Cartels are twirling their collective moustaches. People are fighting for the last bag of rock salt at Lowes. A man was beaten within an inch of his life for a snow shovel (well my brother’s uncle’s best friend’s former college roommate’s preschool teacher was there, man. It was brutal).
“Well,” says you, smart and healthily skeptical consumer you are, “this seems to be a little overblown, I’ll fire up the old internet machine and look at WEATHER.com.” Same story. Ice, rain, snow, locusts, et cetera, et cetera.
By this time, you believe the worst is coming and surrender to the fact that you may be stuck indoors for awhile. The stores are all empty and you’re probably gonna die (wow, you got there quickly). So, you’re new destination is death from hypothermia, with stops at frostbite and gangrene. You’ve accepted this. You hug your wife and kids, call your dad, savor your last few moments prior to closing your eyes for what you now believe will be the last time.
The alarm blares - you open your eyes and you hear the most delightful sound. The pitterpatter of little feet, squeals of joy as you realize your kids are officially off school and are now rifling through everything to find snow pants, boots, sleds, cross country skis, and any other item that has no intrinsic educational value. As you wind your way through your once organized home to get your morning coffee, you step on several legos because of course you do. It’s the dreaded ten by ten, so it gets all your foot. But, you notice something is awry. First, you are not a frozen corpse to be unearthed a millennia or two from now. Second, as you meander to the window, open the blinds, there’s a clear lack of snow, ice, wintry mixes, locusts, or angels of death. In fact, it looks to be a rather normal winter’s day. Your kids are now angry that sledding is out, leading to the scariest of expressions, “I’m bored”. So, you turn on the TV and your local liar...I mean trusted weather person-eyes red from lack of sleep-pleads with you that the worst is yet to come, BUUUUUUUUTTT, weather patterns do change, especially when it comes to the Jet Stream and Gulf Stream forming like Voltron.
Actual meteorological graph (citation needed)
Now, I’ve lived in Missouri most of my life and am used to, nay comfortable with changes in weather. Just like all Missourians, I’ve driven to work with the heat on and drove home with the air conditioning dialed up. I just looked out the window and viewed a beautiful Spring day, then baffled myself by looking at the calendar. I know Missouri is a weather crapshoot, you know Missouri is a weather crapshoot, the weather people know that Missouri is a crapshoot. Only one of us preys on the uncertainty. And it ain’t you and me, buddy.
Well, I have to be honest, I don’t know that much about meteorology. I like to keep it simple and learned that it just takes into account different conditions and projects potential outcomes. For example, you can have 100% chance of rain but that doesn’t mean rain is a fact. It means 100% of the past times we had these conditions, the result was rain. Basically, we’re always playing the odds. Now what I do know is media advertising. I got degrees and have worked in the industry almost ten years. Here’s the secret, the media’s job is not to give you the news, entertaining stuff to watch, or be a government watchdog. The media’s job is to make money. The media makes money by selling advertising. The media makes more money if more people watch their news, entertaining programs, or government watchdogging. Their main goal is deliver you to their advertiser's message. (lucky for you, I’m not here to sell you anything. I’m just going to wear my Reeboks with their cutting edge cushioning that I’m comfortable in all day; cast my Orvis 9 foot, fast action, tip flex, 25 year guaranteed fly rod; wear my LL Bean trail inspired, lightweight khakis; drink my organic, locally sourced, grass fed, coffee harvested only by the less fortunate; and drop truth bombs from my Apple IPad with Logitech wireless keyboard). Moral of the story: it's not the weatherperson’s fault that his or her job is deliver you to advertising-it's the business he or she has chosen. So if there are 10 possible outcomes based on the conditions, 1 being best and 10 being worst, they're gonna dial that thing up to 11 to keep you watching.
(Please note, that was not an “alternative facts” rant against the media. It’s a bidness and does provide services like quality programming, government watchdog, etc. Those efforts just need to be funded)
“What in the world can I do?” You scream into the night with a fist thrust into the air. Well, I'm gonna tell ya. You’re gonna go to go Weather Underground, download the app to your smart phone and be free from the iron fist of your local news station. To be fair WU, does have advertising, but it's minimal and barely noticeable.
Basically, Weather Underground is weather without the hogwash. It gives a solid 10 day forecast for just about any location you can think of using information from the National Weather Service and observations from members with automated personal weather stations. Now this is a Voltronic combination I can get down with. This gives you the accurate weather right outside your door (well pretty close in most cases.
Personal weather stations, which people like you and me have outside of their homes to help you get the weather you need when you need. True American Patriots.
I am surprised that Weather Underground is actually owned by the Weather Channel whose site I can’t even use. That’s an utter mess of a site and virtually useless. Just give me the weather, doggone it. I don’t need 12 stories about cities that I will probably never visit. I am sure they are nice this time of year, but I need to know if I should wear an extra sweater or pack my rain gear for the 2 hours I have to fish. And please, please please, autoplay multiple videos so I need to reboot my phone or computer. I’m not sure how something so wrong can do something so right. However, here we are.
Anyway, the Weather Underground app and site are elegant in simplicity and most importantly, easy to use. Did I mention it’s easy to use and packed with useful information? Because Weather Underground is easy to use and packed with useful information. I’ve been using it for about a year and I feel their information has proved accurate enough time and time again. I personally just planned a camping trip based on their forecasts and historical trends. The forecasts and trends stated that it was going to be cold enough to freeze a Winnebago. I did not listen and I can tell from first hand, boots on the ground experience. It was cold enough to freeze a Winnebago. So you can do the smart thing and listen to Weather Underground or you can freeze your tail off. I chose the latter. But I did learn a useful tip. Throwing one of those Hot Hands warmers (or ten) in your sleeping bag makes it downright balmy. Give it a try.
Back to Weather Underground There’s also tons of customization even at the free level. I really can’t stress enough how simple and easy it is to use.
So now that you have been enlightened and pointed to the proper tool, here is my 5 pronged approach to deciding whether you should go outside and do something awesome.
- Answer the following question with a resounding YES!!- “Should I go outside and do something awesome?”
- Remind yourself that there are no bad weather conditions, just bad gear choices.
- Check Weather Underground,
- Use the Roosevelt E. Roosevelt Method - “You gotta Window, Open it!” If you can visually confirm ice or tornadoes-turn on the PlayStation, tie flies, paint the family room, or -shudder- spend time with your family. Threat of ice or a tornado warning - get going, you’re burning daylight.
- Layer your clothes and always bring rain gear (or a trash bag, works in a pinch)
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