Alright, welcome back. I just got finished defeating the Penguins in NHL2K17 to win the Stanley Cup.
Anyway, here is a picture of me on my last serious hike to give you an idea of how I dress in the Wild.
Looks pretty normal, right? Of course, I’ve put way too much thought into it and thought I’d share. So, I’ll just go through what I’m wearing here with the cost associated with each item. I’m going to skip discussion on footwear or sunglasses - both being a personal choice I could probably write 10,000 words on. Nobody wants more words in this post. I'm not even going to start on the backpack, that's A Song of Ice and Fire level word counts.
So here’s everything else:
Head ($20): Hats are always important. Moreso for me because I am secretly bald, but don’t tell anyone. In lieu of a classy comb over, I've chosen a military spec boonie hat. The brim is folded up here, but it’s wide when needed. Since it's supposed to be military spec, it’s a cotton/polyester blend. I usually don’t wear cotton, but if it’s good enough for our military, it’s more than good enough for me.
Neck/Face ($5-$20): Buff (actually in this case it’s an SA face shield, but same deal) Great, versatile item. I think I have 16 of them. Not joking - SA has some sick deals on Facebook. Buffs are great at neck protection and great for Halloween. There’s about 15 ways to fashionably wear one and they do everything the faithful bandana does.
See, great for Halloween and scaring your daughter
Shirt (free): polyester, light mesh shirt. I got this one for running a race (slowly)
Arms ($10): Sun Sleeves. These are a new addition and I really like them so far. A big upgrade over wearing a long sleeve shirt. Basically, these are long wristbands that go up to your shoulder and are 50 SPF. They are light and easily removable when wearing a pack or fishing vest. Barely noticeable after a few minutes, fit tight to the skin with no extra fabric flopping about, and they even stay in place on my 16 inch pythons, brother. Supposedly they also keep your arms cool, but that doesn’t even make sense to me nor is it something I thought I needed. I’ve never said or heard, “nice day, but boy are my arms particularly hot”
I also must add that they work great should you forget toilet paper. As I’ve been told by a friend. A friend who lives in Canada. Montreal actually, so she doesn’t even speak English or have the internet so you couldn't contact her even if you wanted to.
I also must add that they work great should you forget toilet paper. As I’ve been told by a friend. A friend who lives in Canada. Montreal actually, so she doesn’t even speak English or have the internet so you couldn't contact her even if you wanted to.
Legs ($60 or so): LL Bean Adventure Pants. That isn’t the official name, but they can either be pants or shorts. It’s not even an adventure if you don’t need both pants and shorts. These are tough nylon pants, at least 16 years old. They are LL Bean, so clearly the most expensive thing I’m wearing and purchased when I was pretty dumb with money. Haha, was.
Total Cost: About $95-$115. Now, I am sure you are saying, “Busch, I would just rather buy sunscreen over and over than go out and spend $115 on clothes”. Well, lemme tell ya friend, you don't have to spend $115. Let's get those costs down.
Hats: You already have about 93 of them. -$20
Neck: You’ll probably have to buy a buff. Go to SA Fishing and find a code.$20 for like 5. SA Fishing or REI
Shirt: Target has polyester workout shirts for $12, WalMart probably even cheaper. $12
Arms: You’ll probably need some sleeves. $10. These seem to work well - sun sleeves.
Legs: Now for the real secret. Costco. Don’t sleep on Costco for many outdoor needs. I picked up nylon hiking pants for $17.99 and they are Busch tested, Busch approved. Even have a little stretch, so a great choice for Thanksgiving. I have four pairs now. Costco also has some cheap synthetic shirts - 3 pack for under $10 I think. $18 for the pants
Grand Total: $60. Now compare that to my preferred sunscreen/bug spray at $8.49 for six ounces. When I do use sunscreen, I’ve found Bullfrog to be the best. At 7 bottles, you’re already over that $60. If you spend alot of time out of doors, that ain't gonna be chump change.
You can thank me later. I've saved you $55 and protected you from sunburn, while simultaneously outfitting you for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Halloween. That's just the service I provide.
Comfort
Now, I specifically talked about nylon and polyester as almost all of my warm weather clothes are made of synthetic fabric, even my skivvies. Synthetics are lighter and quick drying. Synthetics also wick moisture. To be fair, I thought wicking in this sense was a made up corporate buzzword (also to be fair, I think it is a made up corporate buzzword). It does have its roots in actual science. Sweat cools you by evaporating off your skin, so when moisture is trapped in cotton material, it doesn’t cool you off as effectively. Or something, again D+ in chemistry and not any better in physics or biology. Merino wool is also a great option, but we’re trying to keep costs down here and Merino wool is super expensive. Basically stay away from cotton and, and for the love of Pete, stay away from wearing jeans. Jeans get wet, stay wet and lead to the number one factor to ruin any outdoor excursion - Chafing.
Now, I specifically talked about nylon and polyester as almost all of my warm weather clothes are made of synthetic fabric, even my skivvies. Synthetics are lighter and quick drying. Synthetics also wick moisture. To be fair, I thought wicking in this sense was a made up corporate buzzword (also to be fair, I think it is a made up corporate buzzword). It does have its roots in actual science. Sweat cools you by evaporating off your skin, so when moisture is trapped in cotton material, it doesn’t cool you off as effectively. Or something, again D+ in chemistry and not any better in physics or biology. Merino wool is also a great option, but we’re trying to keep costs down here and Merino wool is super expensive. Basically stay away from cotton and, and for the love of Pete, stay away from wearing jeans. Jeans get wet, stay wet and lead to the number one factor to ruin any outdoor excursion - Chafing.
I am much more worried about chafing. I am more afraid of chafing than lyme disease and skin cancer combined. Again, chafing effects present me, but future me doesn't much care for it either. So if it doesn’t chafe, it’s likely safe. Just take a google of chafed skin images at your own risk. And I won't even get into the need for this product.
Alright, so the day I took this picture, I was on top of Bald Knob on Buford Mountain. This is a punishing 11 mile hike in southern Missouri - typically rated one of the hardest in eastern Missouri. The temperature hovered around 95 degrees with 70% humidity and nary a cloud in the sky. I was extremely uncomfortable the entire time, however it wasn’t due to my clothing selection. The culprit was the burning sensation in my legs and lungs from traversing a 15 degree incline on loose baseball and softball sized rocks.
I also got to discover the holes in my tick protection, acquiring about 20 new friends, some in places quite intimate. Since hundreds of ticks have taken a drink from me, if the future creates Anthropocene Park, I have a good chance to be the star of the show. They’ve already found tick fossils in amber, so I’m not ruling it out.
Ok, so let’s look at the results, I wasn’t sunburnt on Buford Mountain or any other day since I started using this system. I’m as pale and pasty as Casper the Friendly Ghost. I would say my lack of a killer tan is proof enough that this works. (sidenote: don’t you just love it when people call things as simple as clothes a system. Sounds super important, right?)
Style
Not really too concerned with style. On this day, I saw three other people on Bald Knob and I looked much better and cooler than all of them. So that’s a clear win in the style department. Honestly, most of the places I go are to get away from people and I prefer practicality over lookin’ good. If i’m where I want to be, then there shouldn't be anyone else there with their judging, always judging, eyes.
In the last couple years, a lot of the outdoorsy looking clothes have become real trendy and I’ve developed a theory. If it looks a little too cool and you’ve seen a soccer mom or teenager wearing it , it’s probably way too expensive and not too durable. It’s also kinda like buying a golden hammer-too pretty and expensive to actually use for the intended purpose. You certainly could wear a $400 pullover, but will you be willing to walk through a tight, thorny trail? Climb a boulder? Get dirty? Half the reason we wear camo is stain concealment.
Basically, this looks like a t-shirt and jeans, so I’d be comfortable walking into anywhere short of a funeral.
The Truth
Ok, so I do carry sunscreen and bug spray with me all the time. I’d look a little silly going to the pool in this get up or gettin’ swole at muscle beach. And it's always good insurance should something go sideways.
And you never know, these ladies might be out there singing their siren song and I don’t want to be turnt into no horny toad. Or something.
Thanks for reading. Would love to hear your thoughts on this or any other matter.
I never knew about the sun sleeves. I will be looking into buying some. And I feel stupid, I bought my first Buff at Dick's sporting goods and paid $20 for one. Now I know how they got the name of the store....Thanks for the info and the links Buschy......
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. I try to be informative and funny. I'll take 50% every time.
ReplyDeleteI do like the Buff brand, they are a little longer, a little more durable, and marginally better for cold weather. But yea, $20-25 for one is pretty steep.
SA has had a promo on facebook for 5 at $15, Ill see if i can find again and send to you.
I did not think I would like the sun sleeves at all, figured $10-11 was not a bad cost to test. Was really surprised how much i like them.
Haha, Dick's.