So my neighbor is putting in a koi pond...(part 1 of 2).

Dislaimer: I refuse to purposefully trespass or knowingly steal another person's property.  I WILL NOT follow through on stealing someone's ornamental goldfish!  I might think it, but I wont do it.

I'm in trouble here folks and this story is not going to end well.  Before we get to my potential arrest for stolen property and trespassing without ACTUALLY trespassing, let's take a moment to look at the backstory to my problem.  My wife and I bought our current house about 7 years ago.  We had always had a vacant lot on one side of the house until last spring.  When we came home one day and utilities had been marked, we knew that things were about to change.  The construction took all summer but finally our new neighbor moved in.  What seemed strange was that she moved in without any landscaping or sod work.  I was talking to another neighbor and he informed me that part of the reason for the lack of landscaping might be that she is putting in a koi pond.  My first thought was "Are you kidding me?" which was followed by "I'm going to jail."  This is like waving a 20 dollar bill in front of someone with a gambling problem and saying "Wanna bet?"  So here's what I am pretty sure is going to happen in step by step sequence.

Step 1- The Pond Is Made & The Koi Go In
I assume that there is a black, plastic tub in my neighbor's possession that is just waiting to be placed in a 3-4 foot deep hole.  It probably resembles a drop-in pickup truck bedliner and is all pre-formed.  I will probably come home one day, gaze off the back deck at my empire of dirt, notice the enclosure, and think to myself "Hum, I wonder how long that has been there?"  The truth is that it will probably be the same day as its installment because I pride myself on my observance even though my wife says I don't notice anything.  CORRECTION: I notice the cool outdoorsy stuff!  Soon thereafter, when the chlorine has been removed and the temperature has balanced out, the first of the overpriced yet beautiful goldfish variation will be introduced into the synthetic ecosystem.  Again, I will be moderately surprised at the site of a slashing orange ornament in the plastic pond.  That's when my pulse will quicken and my problems start.  Step 1- complete.

Step 2- I Formulate A Plan

See, it CAN be done.  This is a picture of Joe Cermele from "Hook Shots" fame hold a koi from Arizona.

After the realization has sunk in that there are fish within casting distance of my backyard, I will start to hypothesize silly little plans to catch them.  It will start off innocently enough with thoughts like, "Wouldn't it be funny if I found out what Koi eat?"  Then, I will think, "It sure would be silly if I found out what they eat and then tied a fly that looked like said food source.  That would be funny."  That, in actuality, is not funny.  That is scary because THAT is a plan coming coming to fruition.  (On another note, I sometimes wonder if the word"fruition" comes from the word fruit?)  Then I would choose to look up koi, goldfish, and carp fishing information as well as videos on YouTube.  Following that, I would have these subversive conversations with folks at fly shops and online message boards about catching koi pond fish.  Attention Western Missouri Fishing Authority: we have reached Defcon 3.  Reattention: we skipped Defcon 1-2.  Oops.

Step 3- It Begins, But No Actual Problems...Yet

At this point, research is done, ties are flied and in a box that says "Neighbor's Koi Pond" but there is still some trepidation.  I am by nature a "rule follower" and feel genuine remorse after doing something wrong that I know is wrong.  I have a lot of guilt about a lot of things that I have done during my life and I really don't want more baggage.  However, the fear of guilt might not be enough to overcome the drive to catch a goofy looking carp.  So I start to cast in my backyard.
To the untrained eye, it would look like I am simply in my backyard, doing some grass casting, and maybe getting ready for an upcoming fishing trip.  However, the truth is much darker than that.  The fact is that I am simply measuring my reach.  Like a Tiger swiping at a leaf on the branch of a tree, I am just calculating my depth perception.  I figure if I can hit a spot in my neighbor's back yard with a backhanded cast, then a forward cast should be simple.  At this point, you might be starting to think, "Wow, this guy has a command over quotation marks like he is Zeus, king of the Gods.  Also, this guy has really had some time to think this through and might have some sort of mental illness."  To that, I can only respond with thank you and frankly, that's none of your darn business.  But, then again, I did start my own blog so I guess I am kind of putting myself out there so maybe you're right.  We are getting off track here.  Back to the koi pond.

Flies have been selected, casting distances have been determined, and the next full moon has been documented.  Step 3, complete.  Secretary of the Western Missouri Fishing Authority, let's move this sucker to Defcon 2.